The Devil At Home by Rachel Williams

Author:Rachel Williams
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

To my darling wife, my Rachel girl

My wife with the face of an angel

Merry Merry Christmas my love

(Our first Chrimbo as man and wife)

Love and kisses my star

All my love now and forever

Your mad husband

Darren

xxxx

A good wedding can be so wonderful that it feels like someone waving a magic wand over your life. But, as most newlyweds will tell you, once it’s all over the fairy dust wears off very quickly. For me and Darren, the injection of sparkle and hope was even more fleeting. I’m not even sure I felt any magic at all.

The New Year came and went and life just snapped back to the same old keep-busy-and-get-by routine. I ran my mobile hairdressing business during the day and prepared food for the catering van in the evenings. I was worried Darren’s conviction would stop him getting a job, but thankfully he was still able to get some full-time driving work through the agency. I was relieved – not just because it meant we had more money coming in, but because he would be occupied. The more he worked and went to the gym, and the more he buried his head in books about Charles Bronson, the less I had to deal with him.

My life had become about avoiding Darren at all costs. Our physical relationship had been very loving and affectionate in the beginning, but now he was 23 stone I couldn’t bear him on top of me, out of breath and sweating everywhere. If I could be in bed asleep before him, I would make sure I was. Sometimes I would pretend to be asleep so he wouldn’t bother me. Every ten days or so I would endure sex – this was to satisfy him on my own terms and so he wouldn’t realise I was avoiding it the rest of the time. I was trapped in the bare bones of a relationship. He’d given me two years of heaven and ten years of hell and it had taken its toll.

We agreed to wrap up the catering business about a year after Darren came out of prison. With us both in steady work we decided we could live without the money and the stress, and, as luck would have it, we were able to sell it straight back to the guy we bought it from, no questions asked.

Darren was 40 now. I don’t know if he was easing off on the steroids but he seemed to be mellowing a little – although for someone like Darren that wasn’t saying much. The incidents of violence were happening slightly less often, but the threat of it was still very much in the air. I was on eggshells constantly because there was always a chance of Darren throwing something or grabbing me by the hair. Even when he was out I couldn’t get away from him. He would ring me to mouth off about the slightest thing that was happening during his day. I could get a phone call at any time and woe betide me if I ignored it.

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